20 June 2011

direction & questioning

A long time ago when I was a little girl ( a longer time ago each day) I had many dreams about who I would be, where I would live, what I would do and what my kids names would be, what I would do during the summer and how my life would look.  Today, it is so amazing but so different from that picture imagined so many years ago.  And I am still trying to figure it all out.  I live a blessed and amazing life filled with love, beauty, and so many things to be thankful for daily.  These things are all around me and provide me comfort.  And yet I still seek more.  Not more money or stuff but I seek a more rooted being.  A body that knows it is home, not just unlocks the door at the end of the day.  A heart that feels truly invested in what I spend my time doing and really feeling like it is God's work and my gifting coming to life.

There are so many twists and turns in the road and I haven't figured out just which one to take.  There are so many possibilities in terms of job, children, house, place to live, etc.  And figuring out the balance of it all and the timing seems tricky at best.

So, what am I rambling about?  Well, I have been contemplating going back to school to get my masters degree.  Originally in teaching but now considering business for the tuition reimbursement from my employer, the dual function of multiple endorsements for teaching or the marketability of having an MBA for future career possibilities at the bank or otherwise.  There are 4 different MBA programs at Western: an accelerated 1 year program, an evening program for working folks (9 quarters 2 days a week from 6-10pm), a weekend program in Everett (every other weekend all day Friday & Saturday) and the regular program.  What to do, what to do.  Originally I was thinking about the "working person's" MBA program but they only start every even numbered year in June and it is so long so I wouldn't be done until 2015 and that just seemed like too long to commit to.  Then I thought about the Weekends program but it is still a long commitment to be gone so much and try to work things out with my work.  The accelerated program seems good but it would be a tough year and I would probably need to cut down to super-part time and live on loans?  Well, this whole MBA thing is just one piece of the big puzzle right now with Abe's graduate degree and possible career opportunities and his woodworking business.  We have the little one to think about the the potential of future little ones and we have our location of living and the option of moving in the future.

Well, that opens a whole different can of worms.  Where to move to, when, why and what is the main driving force and need?  Will it be for a job, further school, family or who knows?

These are just some of my thoughts right now.  Just wondering where the future will take us; will it be here or somewhere else?  Feeling a little unsettled about what that hazy picture of me 10 years down the road looks like.

More thoughts to come...

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