26 January 2012

trying something new

It is a new year so I have tried to have a positive and outgoing outlook on life for not just the new year but hopefully a bit of a new me.  I started with some simple things like a new blog post and a fresh look at my closet (cleaning things out even though I might be emotionally attached to them).  Some things worked: got rid of several bags of stuff I didn't wear, need or use and some things didn't: didn't like the new blog template at all!  And some things have yet to happen: going through my books & CD's.  This is a daunting yet super necessary task.  And other things are still up in the air waiting to be decided: where to go, what to do with life, work, kids, etc....you know the little details of life.

You may notice that this is a theme with me this year and that you may notice a certain uncertainty in my writing and my commitment to the future.  It seems that a variety of circumstances have brought me to this point and now I just have to combine my courage and my faith, my wit and good sense and a whole lot of other un-namable stuff together to make a concrete decision.

In life, it seems like trying something new can often have as many successes as failures and maybe that is why after so many new starts or attempts at new things, sometimes we often lose the will to try these new things however great or small.  For instance, I sometimes buy clothes that seem to be not really "me" but then I think, why aren't they me?  I can choose something new!  And sometimes it works....and other times the shirt or pair of pants or new dress gets worn once and then sits in its place awaiting another shot....but it is just not me.....so it waits and waits and finally makes a trip to be either returned or to the consignment shop.  So the next time I am tempted I may remember my failure to turn over a new leaf (or embrace a new fashion) or I may be willing to fail at this new attempt of style.  Whatever the reaction, it can definately make an impression or begin a pattern for the future.  Perhaps that is why as you get older (and believe you me I am not making that argument yet) it is harder to try new things.  We've fallen, failed or just plain been embarassed by these leaps of faith.

As part of my new year, I am trying to get over myself, and that isn't easy to do.  I am trying to let go of the failures of the past and especially the failures that I am picturing may happen in the future and combine the excitement of what can be with the faith that it can be good.

So, if you think of me, think (and pray please, if you do) that God would give me the strength to have faith and to push forward and be willing to try something new, even if I fail.  To balance practicality with love and adventure and a willingness to try new things whether super small (like a new recipe) or super big: a move and a new place to live.

Aven, trying something new (pizza counts)
These are my thoughts; my thoughts on a page- a place to mentally ramble, blow off steam or generally brag about my amazingly blessed life.  Thanks for listening.

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